Sometimes, I really miss you, and in so many ways.

It's hard to say, really, how much of that is just me, missing myself. Humans are selfish and greedy, after all.

I never really got the chance to to know, beyond that core critical part, much about you. You know, people get to know someone, really know them, as good a person can ever know another person. Then, if and once they are parted, they got all those things they learned and knew about that person to "miss."

I never learned all those things, though, little (generally unimportant) idiosyncrasies, so when I miss you, I really just miss you. Or, as I noted, me. Both, I suppose.

I don't know. I don't know what to do. I've been frozen in place for years, now. Well, almost years. I just look at all that stuff from the outside, and am like, oh my god, holy fuck.

I miss you, S____. I miss your voice, your touch, that tremble. I miss your silent pauses, your too fucking dreamy eyes, baby, the curve of your face, your teeth, just everything I knew about you.

God, I miss you, honey.

Aw, sweet baby. I love you.

I suppose I will have to do something, soon, or something, I don't know. It's been two years without a lover, without touch, flesh, feeling, me.

Sweet, sweet heart. God, I miss you.

I didn't really realize just how much, until I wrote it out, here.

I thought everything, all of it, all of everything, had somehow died, or vaporized. And yet, now, I touch it for a moment, and it's all just right there, just under the surface.

So much, pretty baby.

I should keep trying to write, I suppose.

Today, the boy was limited to a certain geographic area: he passed the boundaries, and so his phone was retracted and he was confined to the residence, all day.

We spent some time together, cleaning out the garage. I think of all of the things I did not let him do and all of the things I let him do, and think to myself, that I should have reversed at least half of those decisions.

It's been a long time since I cleaned out the garage. I kept coming across toys of his from when he was so much younger and so much more innocent. Omg, so many toys of his, carrried to the curb. And those of the younger son, too.

It goes by, really really fast.

Slipping through your fingers all the time, a line from some gay ass ABBA song.

Laughing...there's actually a part of me that is nominally proud of him, for continuing to argue his case, rather than do the easy thing and just agree with us that smoking reefer is baaaaaaad.

His mom was taking the "illegal" angle, this evening, and at a certain point, I couldn't take it anymore, and was just like, "oh, you needa stop with that - there's a million things that are illegal, and we all break some laws - that's the way things are set up, so you can't help but break a law or two."

My angle is just not to lose him entirely.

Gah, the things I did not do. There are things I'm going to make sure I do, this summer.

This is a sad story.

If I had made this journal entry on Friday, or even Saturday, or at any time after Monday of last week, the story would not be any different, except, perhaps, a little more heartbreaking.

Instead, I will end up now combining that earlier intended entry with this, never intended one.

This is about my child, my first born, the 14 and half year old boy.

I keep thinking of the Coldplay song, "Everything's Not Lost," and sowehow clinging, somewhat tenaciously, to that line, since I don't know what the whole song's about.

Anyway. Over the past month or so, the child has become somewhat distant and detached. Something was bothering me about his attitude, but I passed it off as typical emo teenage stuff. His grades were still good, although he did miss the 4-0 this term, letting science slip to a B+.

I never really cared about A's anyway.

Nevertheless, mid-May he did get his "good grades" award, etc. After the thing, though, that night, he wanted to go somewhere, and we wouldn't let him - it was almost nine. He was kinda hacked and snapped, "and I'm not proud of my achievement award, either, 'cause it's stupid."

For some reason, that made me sad. But that's not the story, just a scrap of it.

This past Monday, his mom called me from work, to tell me a story. His guidance counselor had called and left a message: "call me, but don't tell [Boy child]."

Of course, she was noticing the same recent changes in him, so immediately, she was thinking, "omg, wtf."

Nevertheless, so she told me, she called the counselor back, and was so relived to find out, that as it turned out, the call had been made to tell her (and me) that the boychild, our son, had won the middle school's highest honor - two boys and two girls from each grade get this award, named after the school mascot. Nominations are made by the faculty, and final selections, also by the faculty.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," I said and thought, "sweet boy, and here I was worrying to death over him."

We were invited to the assembly thing, and had to keep the secret until Friday, this past Friday, since, as just a nominee, the boy wasn't to know who won until they made the actual announcement.

We went, and his friend had tipped him off, "if your parents are in the balcony, you won." He looked up as they assembed the group of nominees on the stage, saw us, and had the cutest four-year old smile - it was like a decade had rolled back, just like that.

That was Friday morning, this past Friday morning.

Saturday evening, while we stood on the lawn and watched the neighbor guy play with fireworks, another neighbor guy told us he had heard a rumor that the boychild was smoking dope.

Sunday morning, being given a grant of immunity in exchange for full disclosure, the boychild admitted that the rumor was true.

***

It was really hard trying to figure out what I felt. Last night, though, I figured out what it feels like, pretty much: like finding out your lover has been cheating on you.

I just don't want to lose him all the way, really. That's all.

***

It's my fault.

I am terribly sad. I will write about this, later. So sad. No one died; it only just feels like that...'cause figuratively, someone has...and he's never coming back, not like before.

So sad. Just a note.

Why is Congress so eager to trade or give away so much of its prerogative power?

czar [zahr, tsahr]
–noun
1. an emperor or king.
2. (often initial capital letter) the former emperor of Russia.
3. an autocratic ruler or leader.
4. any person exercising great authority or power in a particular field.

Problem, reaction, solution.

Things are speeding considerably up since the financial meltdown of this past autumn and the ascension to the Presidential throne of the honorable Mr. Obama, who replaced the former Royal Court Jester, Bush II.

After the theft from the American people of some 700 billion dollars in late September and October, Treasury and its long-time partner in crime, the Fed, in an ongoing and ad hoc fashion, have continued to dictate new and equally criminal financial policies, hopelessly destined to fail, but which will, it is apparently hoped, be adequate to stabilize things just long enough to enable other critical seizures of power and property to take place, before the inevitable and total collapse of the former American empire, and its sister state, the American Financial System.

The beauty of the brazenness of Their actions, now, is that the “conspiracy theorist” no longer has to feel sheepish (oh, the irony of that word, too) about thinking or believing the things they think or believe, for conspiracies are things done covertly, and never with any real evidence that such secret goings on are really going on.

But, they are going on, and they are no longer going on in secret. The secret’s out of the bag, and has been for some time, beginning several years into the widespread use of the Internet. Besides (laughing) it was never really any secret that any government would inevitably continue to consolidate to itself, alone, all power over all of the other people, was it, now?

Nevertheless, the Rulers realize, without a doubt, that the only remaining threat to Their total consolidation of all power, absolutely, in the totalitarian socialist State, is the Internet.

Yes, all crazy gunmen from Pittsburgh, PA, aside, there will eventually come a seizure of firearms. But that’s not so critical a threat to State power at the moment, as is the ability for sane, yet still dissent-minded citizens to be able to freely and instantaneously communicate with one another via the Internet. There is no equal, nothing even close, to this medium, this weapon. If the pen is, indeed, mightier than the sword, how much more mighty, then, is the Internet than the assault weapon?

Lots. And anyone who can think, doesn’t have to be a conspiracy theorist to recognize that as the fact that it is. Certainly, Jay Rockefeller realizes it. Three weeks ago, Mr. Rockefeller made a speech to the Congress, outlining all of the scary things the Internet could bring to the doorstep of the American people, opining that a “kid in Latvia” could commit “an act which can shut this country down, shut down its electricity system, shut down its banking system, shut down really anything that we have to offer.”

What Mr. Rockefeller left unsaid was his real fear of what the super scary Internet could bring to the doorsteps of the White House and the Congress, which to those in power is a lot more scary than disruption of their electrical service or banking system: a disruption and shut down of their own power plant.

Obviously, this can never be allowed to materialize.

Since the time of that speech, there have appeared in the media, several stories, nightmares become realities, as it were. My, how prescient are the Mr. Rockefellers of the world! This did not surprise me, even one little bit, for the rules of the game, the methodologies of the madness never change. Therefore, I was not the least bit surprised when, on April Fool’s Day, less than two weeks after his super scary speech, Mr. Rockefeller and Olympia Snowe, introduced a bill to place all power over the Internet in the hands of the Executive, err, Monarch, err, Dictator, err, dammit, what’s the right word, here…Emperor, yeah, lets run with that one, for now.

According to the Press Release Version of the legislation, among its provisions is the creation of an office, within the Emperor’s branch, of yet another Czar, the Office of National Cybersecurity Advisor, and the provision for the “licensing and certification of cybersecurity professionals," requiring "a professional licensing and certification program for cybersecurity professionals similar to those required for other major professions."

While I have not yet read in its entirety, the working draft of the ‘‘Cybersecurity Act of 2009’’, what I have managed to gather is that the Emperor will be empowered by the legislation to shut down, either by himself, or via his designated Czar, any network, public or private, if the Emperor determines that such network is “found to be at risk of cyber attack,” whatever that ends up really meaning, which, I think is safe to assume, like “national security interests,” can mean damn near anything.

In addition to handing the power switch of the Internet to the Emperor, the Bill also hands to one of His henchman, the Secretary of Commerce, via the 47-line, “Section 14, Public-Private Clearinghouse,” the power to “access to all relevant data concerning such private networks without regard to any provision of law, regulation, rule, or policy restricting such access.”

There are included several other governmental expansion goodies, too; another unsurprising one of which, is detailed in the much more lengthy, 122 line, "Section 13, Cybersecurity Competition and Challenge," which reads, truly, like something out of Communist Russia or China, or Fascist Germany.

This bill’s passage, like almost all power-grab legislation, is of course, a foregone conclusion. The official storyline, the thing which will be allegedly argued over, and over which certain victories will claim to have been won, is that the new legislation will not be used to “gather private information.” What will not be mentioned in any of the mainstream “debates” over this legislation is the obvious thing that it can and will eventually be used for: to shut down the Internet for the purpose of shutting down communication between outraged, hungry and cold, gun-toting American citizens, who present the only real Terrorist threat to those in power.

Any mention of this true objective of the legislation by anyone outside of the sychophantic clique of state sponsored Information Ministry, will be, if given notice at all, quickly dismissed as the rantings of a conspiracy theorist, like that loon from western Pennsylvania, deserving of all the scorn rightly reserved for any such murderers.

Congress could have easily elected to introduce similar legislation that would provide similar oversight, and structured proper safeguards against cyber attack from those pesky kids in Latvia, without vesting all absolute power in the Emperor, but it knew it needn’t do that; it knew it could count on the Emperor to protect its power interests in any event, and therefore, would never have to answer to that pesky throng of hungry and organized and possibly armed citizens on the doorsteps of its palaces.

So yes, they didn't give any power away, at all, they only just traded it, the way all of these alleged separate branches of government have naturally learnt to do: one to acquiesce and enforce and legitimize, and never to limit the will and power and expansion of the other, and back and forth and back and forth, that way. Therefore, one can see that it didn't and doesn't really matter one way or the other how such Internet oversight was constructed or shall be construed by one or the other alleged separate branches of our the Government.

It’s no longer a theory, conspiracy or otherwise, nor a secret: the Emperor has no clothes. However, He needn’t worry about that, anymore, for very shortly, He shall have in his hand the clicker to the only true power left by which His subjects may shine real and lasting light on the more audacious crimes already committed and yet to come, or by which said subjects may organize any real opposition to the perpetrators of these crimes. It is done.

Soonly enough, maybe late this summer, or early next spring, the final shoe will drop, and with it, the dollar; and then all the rest of the house of cards will come crashing down, and by then, by Design, this Bill will be passed, and all opportunity for centrally organized dissention, personal possession of other less dangerous weapons of assault, aside, will be past.

Call me crazy, I don’t mind. I’ll laugh last, albeit alone, ruefully, and in the dark.

This past week, I have worked at my former profession, as a builder. I am helping one of my design clients build the project we designed together. Besides providing critical income, it has been very fun.

***

I am officially anti-Obama - have been for quite a few months. Certainly, that decision became cemented as his cabinet was put together. At the naming of the chief of the New York Fed as Treasury Secretary, it became an irrevocable decision.

Don't take this personally, as, more simply and broadly, I am anti-State.

I've seen their ruse, and am finished buying and financing their lies, all of them.

I think it's too late, however: they've gotten away from us, and escaped into an insular and untouchable power.

Nevertheless, this needn't mean I have to lie all the way down, forever.

I'll be choosing a new forum in which to write about certain things, and will make the notification here, soonly enough.

Having given the same instructions to my older son a few days ago, yesterday, I instructed my younger son that he was not to allow himself to be fingerprinted, at any time, at school, and for any reason.

"They will tell you it's for your own good, but I am telling you not to do it, even if they threaten to send you home: you do not have my permission to have it done, no matter what they say the reason is."

"God, dad, it's like I'm Jewish and we're living in Germany during World War Two."

"Yeah, something like that, sure, just don't do it, is all."

As I have been warning for at least three years or so, the end of this golden age of the Internet, as we know it, will soonly enough be drawing to a close:



"Not trying to be dramatic about it, but....both President Bush's director of national intelligence..., and President Obama's director of national intelligence...have labeled cyber security, perpetrated through the internet as the number one national hazard of ATTACK on the HOMELAND and West Virginia..and America and anywhere else...so it really almost makes you ask the question, 'would it have been better if we'd have never invented the Internet'...they have ads on television every day saying the department of defense is attacked THREE MILLION TIMES A DAY...and it's true..and anyone can do it..a kid in Latvia...and it's an act which can shut this country down, shut down its electricity system, shut down its banking system, shut down really anything that we have to offer...It is an AWESOME problem...On the intelligence committee we were taken for a full day to discuss..to an undisclosed location in Virgina to discuss this..It is a FEARSOME, AWESOME, PROBLEM...obviously, it's broader than that, too..."

Yes, I just bet it is an AWESOME, FEARSOME PROBLEM that is BROADER than the threats you describe on the surface, MR. ROCKEFELLER, new world order cocksucker.

You know, Mr. Rockefeller, you and all your cohorts have gotten much more arrogant, haven't you heard? There is no real need, any longer, for you to hide behind your subterfuge. Just come out and say it, because some of us already know: WE need to shut down the Internet, because it is too great a threat to OUR plans for the world, for civilization. That's where the real threat is: not in the 3 million daily attacks on the DOD's computers, not at all, but on the ONE POINT FIVE BILLION of the world's citizens currently hooked into this thing that you and your buddies spent a day secretly discussing the future of.

Yeah, I know, those pesky idiots can actually use the Internet to talk amongst themselves - fucking preposterous, indeed.

Fuck you, Mr. Rockefeller, fuck you.

I think I will make another journal for my political and "mainstream" community stuff.

I'm not sure why, but as pointless as it seems to write about such things, as futile as such endeavors seem to feel, nevertheless, I do want to continue to write about them, regardless.

Ugh, it all sickens me so much, though.

Lol, why write about something that makes you want to puke?

I don't know. To feel less helpless, perhaps, even though you know, recognize, you are almost surely already powerless to stop the march.

Today's bit of puke inspiration arises out of Texas. Surprised? Of course you're not surprised. It also has two sponsors from the great puppet state of Ohio.

Certain provisions of the so-called Patriot Act are set to expire at the end of this year.

Certain lawmakers think that's not such a good idea, so they wrote and are sponsoring a bill to extend those provisions.

For ten more years.

It's so true, you know: once you give up a liberty, it's almost impossible to get it back. John Adams put it this way: "A constitution of government, once changed from freedom, can never be restored; liberty, once lost, is lost forever."

Maybe that's why things like this make me want to vomit.

***

Something that did not make me vomit, however, occurred tonight, while I shared dinner with my ex-wife and our fine young sons.

We were watching COPS, and, right or wrong, I must report that I am rarely rooting for "the good guys." So in tonight's episode, the good guys pull someone over, and like, one of them has some crack pipe or whatever - probably have other things, contrabandish stuff of the kind that's been legal in Portugal for seven years, for example.

Anyway, when push comes to shove, they, the perps, decide to shove off. Well, of course, Mr. Heroic Copper Man decides to hang on to the car as it drives off - cause yeah, someone might get killed by the crack pipe and all.

So the car's driving away, idiotic hero man hanging on the side of it getting dragged along. The younger son says, "well, they're in even more trouble now - now they got resisting arrest.."

"More like assaulting a police officer," the older one pointed out.

"Oh, no," I said, "no, they'll be charged with attempted murder of a police officer for that one."

"I hate the government," the older one said, matter of factly.

I laughed out loud, right or wrong, good or bad, it escaped me.

What does an idiot sound like when he is talking, you wonder?

Well, wonder no more. The idiot is Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel and sounds like this when he is talking.



To clarify, the sound of idiocy begins around 1:13, reaching its apogee at about 1:18, and sounds precisely, exactly like this (notice I did not say "maybe, possibly like this"):

"That is, if you are on the no-fly list, because you are known as maybe a possible terrorist, you cannot buy a handgun in America."

This received applause from whomever his audience was.

For the less thinkingly inclined, the translation of the idiocy is this: "IF a member of the executive branch, appointed by the executive, and answerable only to the executive, and whose decisions are not subject to review by anyone outside of the executive branch, DECIDES that you belong on (the ubiquitous) list, THEN, your second amendment right to own a handgun shall be terminated forthwith.

So yeah, that's the chief of staff, and if you know the AG, Eric Holder's, position on gun ownership, then you know the right players are in place to make such a ridiculous dream come true.

[Sound of a tape fast forwarding to the not so distant future...]

"That is, if you are on the no-fly list, or (say) on the list of Libertarian supporters (which, by that time, shall be called outright Terrorists), THEN you cannot buy a forum for speech on the Internet"

Yeah, we'll work our way down the numbered list of amendments to the Constitution, then work our way back up through that tattered document.

The saddest thing about that video, however, is not nearly what it says, so much as the fact that at the time of this posting, it had exactly 247 views, which says an awful lot more about idiocy, apathy, and complacency.

Oh, surely you resort to hyperbole, one thinks; talkabout idiocy, another thinks.

Oh, wait, here's this morning's news, just in:

(I'll just paraphrase, though)

It seems one of the states' branches of the Executive, the Missouri Division of Drug and Crime Control, has issued a notice stating that "“Militia Members most commonly associate with 3rd Party political groups,” you know, the ones, like Ron Paul's, e.g., that are not so much a part of the ruling elite establishment, and therefore are to be feared, regulated, and maybe labeled as possible Terrorists - especially if labeling them as fringe nutcases fails to adequately pan out.

http://www.restoretherepublic.com/latest-news/liberty-restoration-project-responds-to-document-released-by-mo-division-of-drug-and-crime-control-missouri-information-analysis-center

Having played their Obama card to placate the biggest section of disenfranchised population in the country, they need now only concern themselves with the balance of the riffraff not yet willing to buy in. But no worries, they are presently working feverishly upon just that segment.

***

Damn, I loves me some Magibon, too, but come on!

A few other things before I get off of here and finish the last several chapters of Wuthering Heights.

I've smoked two packs a day for two or three years. Actually, I guess it's been longer than that that I've been at that level, since I can remember trying to cut back in the fall of 2005, and was consistently at about 39/day, then. Their price had climbed over that time to about 4.15/pack, as of last week. On Sunday, however, I discovered that the rulers had decided this was the easiest and softest of the vices to lay a heavier tax upon, increasing its cost to $5.52/pack.

My personal feeling was they should've raised taxes evenly upon all vices, from alchohol and pornography, through fatty fast food, luxury cars, jeans over $30 and religion. Nevertheless, they did not.

So I decided they would exact exactly no further dime from me for their efforts, and rather, that as far as I went, this added tax would result in a net loss to their revenue stream.

Since Monday morning I have smoked 76 cigarettes, less than a pack a day. It was not difficult at all, and I am sorry I did not have the proper motivation in 2005, which would've put something in the neighborhood of $5,000 into my own pocket, instead of into those of RJR and the State (bankers, neighbors, politicians and other parasites).

So yeah, I am up $25 on the week.

***

The older boy child just finished up a unit on heros at his school.

He mentioned a few days ago that I might have to come to his school "for something," in the next week or two.

Yesterday, in the mail, I received a postcard that he'd nominated me as his hero, and this is why I will be going to his school, next week, to receive whatever award it is that he has made for me.

***

Earlier this week, the fifth grader's little brother announced, after school, and on our walk home, that he was going to trade his sister, the fifth grader, my crush, for my youngest son.

Though it made me smile, I wished I could work out some other trade, and offered the cat, instead.

It made my heart race, all the same, 'cause yeah, that's how my heads work.

***

I don't know why she and I stopped talking (not the fifth grader, the twenty something, beautiful one), not really, or not entirely, anyway. But I do miss her, and I miss it, too.

Last we spoke, via text (since that's the only way we've spoken since late 2007), ten days ago, she said she'd been waiting to talk until she had something happier to say to me, but that that seemed silly, then [now], and that things had not been going too well.

Since a few days before she mentioned she understood it was hard to communicate this way (via text only), I guess I probably assumed it was too much for her, and so I let it lay, and have let it lay, since that time.

It was hard, yes, for me, and so I can imagine it was for her, too. What was making it particularly difficult, is that given the current financial conditions, compounded by personal things on her end, neither of us was really in any kind of position to say, okay when.

When two people have it for one another like it appeared we could have it for one another, neither of those does very well from a position of helpless separation, and as one of the secrets in lj secret tonight noted (and actually, as she herself noted at the [re-]start, back in September), distance present, love can only go so far.

Still...of course...I think of her all the time, and quietly tell myself, "someday, baby" and never, ever bother to question that one little bit, since it's what I've got, right now.

***

Tomorrow morning, I am taking a hike in some woods or another with the younger son. We did this a month or so ago, and I never got to write about it, but it was quite something else, that hike.

I smoked a hit or so of weed prior to our departure, which added a certain awareness of things that I would have otherwise missed. I think it was a good balance between being distracted by being concerned about other things, and being totally spaced out.

I think I will try to write a quick write-up, right now, about that little hike.

( Read more... )

It was quite the adventure.

I am amused.

But only kind of.

In bits and pieces and by creeping fractions, and almost always to the applause and relief of innocent and helpless (oh yes, do indeed put the emphasis on the innocent and pathetic helpless amongst us) bystanders (wait, no, put the emphasis on Bystanders) does the despicable and illegal government sieze more and more of the power we, its unfortunate subjects hand over to it with both hands, greedily snatching back what scraps and orts it returns by manner of perceived payment for its illicit grubbery - payments, like welfare and state-sponsered jobs, which in reality, are only just more of the same wolf in sheeps' clothing thievery.

A week ago, four members of some soon to be forgotten anti-government group were arrested in Nevada, undoubtedly destined to the dustbins of prisons somewhere in the gulag.

I read about this at the time, and really didn't think too much of it.

Looking it up, today, I found the citation over at Democratic Underground (as fucking if).

Unsurprisingly, this arrested group, is an alleged part of "Sovereign Movement," which is "a group that believes government licenses, taxes and currency are invalid." Yeah, so do I believe these things are invalid, not to mention illegal. They were infiltrated and arrested by, of course, by some segment of the government's "anti-Terrorism" arm of its Homeland Security Department. (Oh, how I have hated from the day I first heard the word, that most fascist nazi-sounding word, "homeland.")

What is more disgusting to me than the arrests, valid though they may be, is the chatter at the alleged and so-called Democratic Underground. These, who view themselves as champions of our "great" state, as fighters for the restoration of its prestige. Democratic my ass, and Underground, I don't think so. Theirs is only the kind of dissent still permitted, most other forms having been perermptorily ruled Terrorist Organizations.

Yes, you know, the important and allowed kind of dissent; the kind of dissent that posits and then pits an "us" against a "them," and is held up as Democracy - when at the end of the day, the only us and them is us and them, neither of which are as they lead and encourage us to believe.

This past election is my last go round on this farcical merry-go-round. I'm too old to be fooled, anymore: they all must go, almost to a man, they all must go.

In ten years, mark my words, I will not be able to make a post, anywhere, similar to this that you are reading. Even under the seriously suspect hypothesis that I would still be permitted to so do, by that time, this little gem we currently enjoy and call the Internet, will have been seized and decimated, and neutered completely - at least so far as goes its use by the likes of any who is not a member of the ruling class.

***

The second bit of this anti-government write-up, this piece of Terrorism and Treason, is only my quiet observation that, yeah, I saw what you did thar, over yonder in Alabama, a few days ago, setting your dogs loose in the street, just for practice for the future. It's not really legal, no, but what does the Executive branch care? After all, their leader, in one of his sickening "signing statements" (one that will surely not be one retracted by the new fascist administration), disdainfully dismissed the intentions of Congress to restore provisions of the posse comitatus Act (which had been quietly dis-enacted by Congress in late 2006), which would have (oh, if only Presidents were, indeed, bound by the intentions and directives of our other elected officials) pulled back this red carpet to military rule.

So there we have them, the military on our streets. "eat it, you dogs"-style.



What is most laughable (if it weren't so goddamned scary) about this event, is that these troops were deployed over a strictly, no matter how tragic, state of Alabama matter: the nutcase who went on a murderous shooting spree.

(Why idiots like these shooters do not put their bullets to better use in the land of the governing and the rulers, I will never understand.)

Yes, I said it here, and out loud, I would not mind if my rulers were shot to death in the street, like the rabid dogs they are, and left to bleed out. After all, I am sure they feel similar about a Terrorist, like me.

Things will get better. What else is there to believe. But, they suck as much ass, it would appear as it is to suck, right now.

But I could definitely be wrong about that, too.

I found a twenty-dollar bill on the ground, this morning.

It's the most cash I've ever found.

Everything in the world is destroyed right now. And, I'm in one of the worst possible fields to be in in a time of such destruction.

I don't want to work at a convenience store, or Walmart, or any other fucking suck-ass place.

I'm almost 50 fucking years old.

Gah.

I don't want to give up being there for the boys when they get home from school, but there ain't much third and second shift work in my field. Oh, pfft, what am I saying, there's no 2nd or 3rd shift work in my field. My field is make your own hours, or work nine to five, m/f.

It's making me sick to my stomach, more and more and more and more.

Every. fucking. day.

Anyway, yeah, a notational journal entry for posterity, in case things ever change.

They'll never be the same again, though, of this much I am positive.

***

And she and I don't talk anymore, either, which is just sort of like the proverbial icing on the cake, except in reverse.

I don't think it's anyone's fault: it just is; part of the suck.

I sincerely apologize to anyone whom I have ever told, "there is a reason for everything."

Futhermore, I retract and renounce this position, as I no longer believe it to be true.

Even an old dog can learn new tricks, and sometimes the simplest of things can teach these new tricks: in this case it is the simple, mundane, and meaningless loss of about 12 hours of work, which all the back-up remediations in the world refuse to restore.

Pickayune, yah, you betcha, but true all the same.

Fuck you.

Four books I've read in the past month or so:

The Forever War, by Dexter Filkins, which convinced me the "problem" of Afghanistan, and those alleged of Iraq, will never be solved, and certainly not with the assistance of the US. Not that I ever believed these were our problems to solve in the first place.

Rogue State: a guide to the world's only superpower, by William Blum (someone undoubtedly called fringe, a lunatic, a conspiracy theorist, etc, ad nauseum), which is a cataloguing of the abuse of US power (read, the productivity of US citizens) in the name of "freedom" for whichever other country our leaders may have designs upon, and for whatever reasons, and at no concern for the millions of deaths and maimings such endeavors have left in their wake, including the ones on 9/11, and those unddoubtedly yet to come.

Angler: the Cheney vice presidency, by Barton Gellman, which won a Pulitzer prize last year. Though I suspected, I had no idea his level of culpability for Bush's decisions - more, the unjustified level of David Addington's power within that administration. After reading the majority of the next one, below, I'm convinced Cheney patterned his power and position on that of Colonel Edward Mandell House, a personal advisor to Woodrow Wilson - and with at least as great success, if not to as much detriment of US citizens slaves.

The Creature from Jekyll Island: a Second Look at the Federal Reserve, by G. Edward Griffin - 3/5ths through it, now. It's the book everyone (who's not a member of the ruling class) should read, but very few probably do.

***

I suppose, if someone were to look over that list, combined with my short commentary, they might incorrectly conclude I hate capitalism, my country, and am a communist or socialist.

They would be wrong on all counts, however, and very far from the truth, too.

So what? Eliminate all the bankers? Eliminate all the members of the 258 families that control over half the world's assets and wealth? Nah, fuck no. That'd solve nothing, for people, you see, would still remain fundamentally stupid at their core.

I would eliminate fiat currency, however.

But I'd be shot to death. And, there are more important things to me than justice, compassion, and equality of opportunity.

***

Anyway, I have no idea why I wrote this up except that I am up and it is 3 am. The idiot's loud idiot box (TV) upstairs woke me up at 1:30. I yelled, very loudly, "can you fucking hear it, yet? because I sure fucking can."

He turned it down, but the loud and mean sound of my voice woke me up.

I hate to be mean, but I hate stupid and inconsiderate, even more.

There are headphones, hearing aids, subtitles, and all manner of addressing one's needs without imposing on the people beneath oneself.

The stupid marches on.

You know, like those Christian soldiers.

Missouri (to attempt) to allow classroom spankings

Passed the house unanimously.

Yeah. Education is compulsory, and I seriously doubt one of mine would ever be the potential recipient of such gratuitous and sexual violence, but if I lived there, and those fucks tried this, just passing this shit, they'd never see my kids, again.

"I'll fucking spank you, you fucking idiot," is how I would respond.

Anyway, yeah, never a shortage of unanimous idiocy.

[And ugh, the comments, too, over there, running about 8 to 1 in favor of old school idiocy.]

Although my general opinion has long been in place (and although I did spank my oldest child, once, about 4 swats, in 1998, when he was 4, that's the extent of my spankery), in more recent years, the writings of Alice Miller, exposed to me by Arthur Silber, galvanized me complete.

OMg, this stupid fucking cat has been in heat (I guess that's what the fuck it is) since Christmas. HOly fuck and wtf.

Lol, this is me trying to deal with it, I guess.

Constant, without break. So yeah, fixing of this situation is or must be in order.

I have been posting on a more regular kind of basis about my personal/sex/love life in my *other* journal, where I don't have to screen anything.

Perhaps, in a bit, I will copy them over here - maybe - I know, after all, that it is not beneath livejournal to have them a look see at my private and protected entries. I guess I haven't completely decided, yet, that this journal is expendable.

Also, I never really realized it, lol, but I guess from my user info, at that place where I say "Mother Jones meets Ayn Rand," some people assume I am a girl, replete with girl parts.

I'm not. Although that might be an occassional and intermittent wish or fantasy, I have not got these parts, except perhaps some of the inside ones.

Things might presently be shaky between us, me and her.

Funny though, I've often said over the years - these things are fragile, yeah, so fragile, but so fucking indestructible, too. It's what I still believe, too, at least from my end of things.

Heh, nice, a letter from the people at the Eff Bee I!

( Yeah, right, the first 3 paragraph are worth a laugh, anyway )

I dislike the name of this journal, and must either change it or make a new one.